August and You

Since Kindergarten I never liked Monsoon

Slipping in the front yard of my Alma Mater’s Tyrepark was painful

I disliked rain so much, it drenched me and made my life pitfall

But then August happened at my sweet sixteen

I felt like I am missing some part in my life

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The romantic letters and chocolates on the Valentine’s never came to me

Or I never stepped ahead from the Libraries to the corners of the playground

Where are all my girl friends would chit chat about their infatuations

But then I was waiting for you

I felt like miserable but considerate at the same time

I heard once about August from one of my best friends

She told me it is not for you

I still wonder if it is for me or this is just the illusion of July

Or maybe the cappuccino I had alone in the corner of the café will never get its companion

But then You happened

It felt like August was around

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You were like the first ever rain my soul was soaked in

And then I called my best friend to tell her

August has happened to me too

Or may be this is the beginning of a new Monsoon

But then you and I were for Winters

Lazy and cold, warming each other

August was beautiful but then December happened..

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-Sudeepti

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One Night with a Stranger-II

She unbuttoned his shirt.He was staring at her unceasing.She didn’t look into his eyes just did her work.He was at peace.He felt a little uncomfortable while she touched him with her delicate fingers.It did create a spark in his moribund mind.

She took off his clothes and helped him to change them with that trodden green rob.Her entwined fingers caressed for him like that of his Wife.

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What was She to him? Questions appeared in his head similar to the Doctor’s first prescription for his illness non understandable.What is keeping him to hold those memories which have fluttered with his last hopes of being loved my someone?

She asked him-“What are you thinking?”

He didn’t reply.

She said-” You miss your wife. Don’t you? I know that, I have seen it your eyes and in your pain where she resides firmly and you don’t want her image to fade away like she did with the last Monsoon’s wind”.

She smiled and said-” You know it’s not your fault, it was all decided and it was meant to be, here you are in my arms and there she would be lying on somebody’s bed”.

Her statements infuriated him. Out of irritation he threw the Betonin Syrup kept on the right bedside cabinet.

She laughed.”And there you are so much vigorous and energetic whenever I include your wife in our conversations, my words and your eyes.You must accept this that she is no more with you now and try to move one. Here I am, trying to make you a better person with each passing day but you’re so stuck in your illusory world”.

“People leave you when they cant afford you and definitely in such a situation like yours.It’s pathetic and trembling and moreover I don’t think she has decided to come back so you must move on”.

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He looked at her till a tear drop fell from his left eye.

She wiped that tear drop with her handkerchief and said “You know that’s a good sign may be you are recovering, lets plan for an appointment to the Hospital and then perhaps I’ll give you the liberty to take me out for lunch”.

He tried to smile with his pain.

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That night a Paralyzed Man found some hopes with a Care Taker who was a stranger to the world of his flaws and beauties.

-Sudeepti

Mysterious Woman

That woman with a substance of mystery
As I move my soul towards hers
I meekly can hear the rhythm of her Heartbeats
But when I look into her eyes I find her perplexing
With every inch which I measure with my eyes of her body I find her anonymous
She licks the last sip of Red Wine from the Bordeaux
And here I am yet unable to rebound what connects me with that Woman

She has probably murdered somebody in the lobby outside this bar
Or is it just her apprehensive look
Or may be Macallan has hit me too hard for tonight
But I need to find the mystery behind this woman before I fall asleep
We need to have a meaningful colloquy here
But wait, she is moving outside

She needs to be stopped, I need to call the police
Before she murders somebody else
What if she finds out, I have just seen her kissing that guy
What if she is kills me too
I must find out this Mysterious Woman
This is probably the hallucination of my emotions
Because that mysterious woman is my dead Wife whom I killed last Friday.

-Sudeepti

A Date With Myself

She undressed herself looking at her sullen face in the mirror. There is something missing in me. She thought of those days when he used to pick up dresses for her.He had a fine taste in clothing for women.Why? I mean how? May be he had too many in his life and it’s just the matter of experiences.She thought.

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She picked out the white floral print dress.He hated it.He always hated it because he didn’t like white.She wondered why he used to hate white color.It’s the most pious of all the shades. May be it was the favourite color of the only lady whom he really fell for and she betrayed him. And he is a consequence of that incident.Anyway she loved White and she will wear it today.

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She chose the Red Bellies from the closet where she kept all her shoes. She was so fond of shoes, there was no any brand left,which she counted to pick for her own.Her favorite was the Nude Shade high heels Christian Louboutin. Her Dad got her this one as her 20th Birthday present. Meanwhile looking around her explicit closet, she witnessed to see He had left a pair of his shoes.Why would he do that? Did he do it knowingly? Was it an indication that he would want to come back at some moment of time? No wait !! Its the pair of shoes she gifted him. So she guesses , its about he don’t want to take any chance later or so. No indication of being back like ever.

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She cleared out her head with his intoxicating thoughts and called out for cab. She reached her favourite restaurant Pierre Gagnaire’s, she had missed the marvelous Mushroom Salad since ages, Oh wait!! not since ages, but from the day she dated him, He wasn’t fond of mushroom and he disliked the street of Rue Balzac where she discovered this famous restaurant before she met him.

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She ate the dinner. Had the wine. Cheered to herself. She was not alone,she was on a date to Herself. She treated herself that day. She enjoyed.She danced with the strangers. She felt alive, free and jubilant.

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Have you ever dated yourself? Its not always about being with someone. If you really want to love someone,Love yourself first. You must be capable to keep yourself happy then only may be someday, at the sunset on a beach or when the moon is up in the sky you find your true love and keep him happy.

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All the best.

-Sudeepti

The Last Valentine

He leaned down on his knees to pick up the Chemistry Notebook in the store room.It was hers. When you know a person so closely and you have lived some part of your life with her, you can clearly remember the one different odor of her skin which is in depth sodden inside your soul. He opened the notebook and read his name after like some 15 years in his mind ,the same way he used to call her with a deep breadth and a twinkling smile.

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Her name.She had a very different name.Unique enough that he never heard of that name in those 15 years. He touched those chemical formulas and those chain reactions only to find out the last page filled with the calligraphy of her name and their Initials.

When you write those two letters together it looks so beautiful, he learnt it just now.Now he imagined why would she often made him cards and surprised him with those little fancy emoticons in her own way of writing. He missed her handwriting and suddenly he thought it was the the most admirable handwriting he had ever seen.

The last day of the tuition class flash backed. It was 7 PM. She handed him over the chemistry note book and said-” Keep this NoteBook!” He said-” Of all our good memories you are giving me this. Why?”

She said-“Just Keep it !” and she went away, just like that.

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After she left, he got busy into his admissions and then moved out from the city and then from the country. He forgot her. He did because nothing is permanent nor did his feelings for her.Its not always Love stays with you forever because you have memorized it with every day you wake up but it exits in some part of your heart untouched,with the same essence which once existed. He fell in love again not once, not twice many more times he would have thought but there is always one pure love which you cannot forget your whole life.You may not miss that love each day but deep down the memory lane with the slideshow of the most emotional phases of your life you remember it.

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He kept staring at the Notebook for a while and then he kept it inside the box where he had kept his inflated football, his spike shoes and the sketched House T-shirt.

It took him a while doing so.He came back in his bedroom and kissed his wife.With those nostalgic high school love memories he took a breadth.

And..

 

Her letter in the Chemistry Note Book still remained unread.

 

 

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-Sudeepti

The Midnight Scene

She kept the half smoked cigarette on the ash tray and book marked the Page No. 127 on “The Winner Stands Alone”. Her all time favourite Paulo Coelho. He ignites some fire in her,every time she reads him.And this novel was something beyond her expectations.Because the novel and the statements invoked in her head the real trap she was bound into.

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Murders are not to be kept secret of.She decided to call the police right away.She searched for her phone in the dimly lit room. She had to be quite as John was sleeping and he must not be wake as it is too late.He has to go to school tomorrow. He is such bright kid. He must stay away from the Scene. She came outside the bedroom and stated looking for her phone. Where did she keep it?? How can she be so careless? She is a mother of 7 year old. She needs to be mature enough to keep her things at right places. Thoughts were roaming in her head.

She got the phone near the Antique French Vase.Roger got her the vase when he visited Europe an year ago on a business trip. Roger always aspired for collecting those obsolete items ever since she knew him, She remembered on their honeymoon how Roger gifted her the Vintage 1950’s Emerald Necklace.She could still feel his first touch on her neckline and then how he lifted her lips towards his and they together surrendered their souls to each other.

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Roger loved her whole heatedly without any complaints and anguish then why she became so numb. 10 years of marriage and a beautiful family,she possessed everything she had ever dream of, like any other sorted women.Then what was missing in her life?

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May be this was not her dream. May be she belonged to Someone Else, May be she never loved Roger or May be the new Pills were not working on her Mental illness.

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She was trashed by all the thoughts,she was totally devastated .She gathered the courage to go back to the bed room.

Switched on the lights and opened the cupboard.

She took out the Beretta Px4 in her hand and went towards that disserted corner of the room where was lying the love of her life, her beloved husband, Roger.

She triggered the pistol from the right hand and dialed the 911.

“Hello 911! How may I help you?”

“Hi! Can you please come here at my location. There is some trouble.”

“Sure Ma’am, we are tracking your location. You need to calm down.Are you okay?”

“Yeah!! I am great”

“Okay Ma’am sounds good, is every thing okay around you, is any one hurt?”

“Ohh, Yes!”

“Please tell me what happened with you?”

“Oh nothing much, I just murdered my Husband”

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Phone hanged.

Trigger released.

-Sudeepti

To the Men I loved..

To the enamored nights and erotic conversations,to the candle lit dining and wild fantasies, I could remember every thing I have shared with you All.

Love is for once” had been my favourite preoccupied notion since I watched “A Walk to remember “ and this was my favourite quote by Jamie Sullivan-

“Love is always patient and kind.It is never jealous.” “Love is never boastful nor conceited.It is never rude or selfish.It does not take offence and is not resentful.Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth.It is always ready to excuse,to trust,to hope and to endure whatever comes”

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And I always thought one day I could get my Landon Carter, but than you All happened to me.

To the Man whom I never confessed my Love and you are still unaware of it– I fell in love with you the way you looked at me every time.Gazing round eyes with little blush on your face.I loved to see you play cricket,supporting you and your house despite being from another house.I remember the day when you and me were alone in the library tossing for our favourite novel and you lend it to me because there was only one copy left.But then you were fond of this another girl who was a junior, much beautiful and vibrant than me and may be I was an ugly nerd girl who was your competitor in solving the trickiest Algebra problems and you always lost to me. You were my sweet sixteen crush and I wonder why I never gathered the courage to tell you what I felt for you.

To the Man who was my best friend- Coping up from the old school days I met you. And then we became buddies like really Cool Ones !! And then we hanged out together with our troupe. I really liked you because you were funny and you made me laugh even in my utter sub consciousness. You were special because I had my first ever alcohol with you and from the times I puked on you to the times you carried me to my flat,I fell for your compassionate frame you pictured for me. I know I was definitely in Love with you when you told me you have started dating another girl and the anguish to loose you and the jealousy personified my grim exhaled me in my depth.I still wonder if you were my first love, because may be you really were.

To the Man who Betrayed me- Out of all the odd Man, I found you tempting, you know why? Because I thought you were different, because I thought it is not always about Sex.But you made me realize sometimes there is only the physical intimacy which is tempting and long lasting or may be the latter is also interrogative. So, you slept with Her. Well may be she satisfied you but out of all the girls around you got my girl Best Friend?? I trusted you like my only hope to be happy but thanks to you I lost it too. You were the most handsome guys I had ever been with but with a black heart. I still remember when you forced me and I denied It to you.

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To the Man I kissed in his Audi- Some unfulfilled desires and lust land to you in the unconsumed world of emotions and self pleasure. And I got you then. You know something I am not sure if I ever loved you or not but the maturer I got I felt my desires to be overwhelmed with your thoughts. And the one passionate and intense kiss we had changed me forever like ever. You ignited in me the fire to fulfill my cravings. I wonder how can you be so calm and humble while conversing and so wild and sensuous while making love to me. May be it was your split personalities and worthlessness for life that led me to end up alone. I miss the one last kiss in the back seat of your Audi.

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So, there is peace now because I am not with you all. There is an emptiness inside my throbbing heart but it’s okay. It’s okay to end up alone than to be with someone who cannot define your mirth.

It’s okay that my high school crush never proposed me in that corner of the School Library. It’s okay, my best friend is getting married to the love of his life whom he chose above me. It’s okay for the one who betrayed me,is one of the most successful self portrayed artist and is happy with his one night stands.It’s okay to the one whom I kissed in his Audi is now a wonderful human being with lots of humanity and worth.

I am not unhappy because of you All.Because it’s okay to fell in love and then fell out of it. It’s okay to be like what you are and you don’t need to pretend what you are not.

I don’t repent loving you All.

P.S- I DON’T LOVE YOU ALL ANYMORE !!

-Sudeepti