To the enamored nights and erotic conversations,to the candle lit dining and wild fantasies, I could remember every thing I have shared with you All.
“Love is for once” had been my favourite preoccupied notion since I watched “A Walk to remember “ and this was my favourite quote by Jamie Sullivan-
“Love is always patient and kind.It is never jealous.” “Love is never boastful nor conceited.It is never rude or selfish.It does not take offence and is not resentful.Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth.It is always ready to excuse,to trust,to hope and to endure whatever comes”
And I always thought one day I could get my Landon Carter, but than you All happened to me.
To the Man whom I never confessed my Love and you are still unaware of it– I fell in love with you the way you looked at me every time.Gazing round eyes with little blush on your face.I loved to see you play cricket,supporting you and your house despite being from another house.I remember the day when you and me were alone in the library tossing for our favourite novel and you lend it to me because there was only one copy left.But then you were fond of this another girl who was a junior, much beautiful and vibrant than me and may be I was an ugly nerd girl who was your competitor in solving the trickiest Algebra problems and you always lost to me. You were my sweet sixteen crush and I wonder why I never gathered the courage to tell you what I felt for you.
To the Man who was my best friend- Coping up from the old school days I met you. And then we became buddies like really Cool Ones !! And then we hanged out together with our troupe. I really liked you because you were funny and you made me laugh even in my utter sub consciousness. You were special because I had my first ever alcohol with you and from the times I puked on you to the times you carried me to my flat,I fell for your compassionate frame you pictured for me. I know I was definitely in Love with you when you told me you have started dating another girl and the anguish to loose you and the jealousy personified my grim exhaled me in my depth.I still wonder if you were my first love, because may be you really were.
To the Man who Betrayed me- Out of all the odd Man, I found you tempting, you know why? Because I thought you were different, because I thought it is not always about Sex.But you made me realize sometimes there is only the physical intimacy which is tempting and long lasting or may be the latter is also interrogative. So, you slept with Her. Well may be she satisfied you but out of all the girls around you got my girl Best Friend?? I trusted you like my only hope to be happy but thanks to you I lost it too. You were the most handsome guys I had ever been with but with a black heart. I still remember when you forced me and I denied It to you.
To the Man I kissed in his Audi- Some unfulfilled desires and lust land to you in the unconsumed world of emotions and self pleasure. And I got you then. You know something I am not sure if I ever loved you or not but the maturer I got I felt my desires to be overwhelmed with your thoughts. And the one passionate and intense kiss we had changed me forever like ever. You ignited in me the fire to fulfill my cravings. I wonder how can you be so calm and humble while conversing and so wild and sensuous while making love to me. May be it was your split personalities and worthlessness for life that led me to end up alone. I miss the one last kiss in the back seat of your Audi.
So, there is peace now because I am not with you all. There is an emptiness inside my throbbing heart but it’s okay. It’s okay to end up alone than to be with someone who cannot define your mirth.
It’s okay that my high school crush never proposed me in that corner of the School Library. It’s okay, my best friend is getting married to the love of his life whom he chose above me. It’s okay for the one who betrayed me,is one of the most successful self portrayed artist and is happy with his one night stands.It’s okay to the one whom I kissed in his Audi is now a wonderful human being with lots of humanity and worth.
I am not unhappy because of you All.Because it’s okay to fell in love and then fell out of it. It’s okay to be like what you are and you don’t need to pretend what you are not.
I don’t repent loving you All.
P.S- I DON’T LOVE YOU ALL ANYMORE !!